babes!! it’s 2018… can you even believe it?
there were moments of 2017 that I wasn’t even sure I’d see the light of a new year (let’s be real… so did you). it’s just the truth… it was a hell of a year.
my word of the year for 2017 was WHOLE, and I really dug into that and looked at all the parts of myself to see how I could bring the disjointed pieces into harmony. I started to recognize & affirm each of the places in me and call them into the light: my emotional, intellectual, physical, social, environmental, sexual, and spiritual facets. and SO MUCH HAPPENED, babes. I got so much more whole & free this year. I understand myself on such a deeper level than I did at the beginning of last year, and I really do think it’s because my focus was on wholeness. ❤
this year a lot of things died and a few good things were born.
in 2017 I…
went from a pastor’s wife to an eXvangelical.
didn’t pray for 3 months.
recreated my entire blog.
brought my abuse into the light…
…and both verbally forgave & cut off all contact with my abuser.
couldn’t bring myself to pick up a Bible, except for some of the content of the gospels, for 4 months.
became a mother through the most torturous, redeeming labor.
became a feminist.
…and gained friends.
gained a deeper knowledge of myself as I discovered the Enneagram.
became a believer in universal reconciliation.
started writing poetry again.
began studying Reiki.
stopped believing humanity is inherently depraved the moment I looked into the eyes of my newborn daughter… but didn’t own that truth until months later.
stepped into my power and owned it personally.
found myself, became myself.
began to find joy in every part of God & my spiritual life for the first time I can remember.
climbed literal mountains.
climbed metaphorical mountains.
read loads of books & listened to countless podcasts.
began meditating more consistently. Continue reading “MY 2018 WORD OF THE YEAR”
maybe you know that my husband & I were surprised by a beautiful, amazing, gorgeous, sweet-natured, PERFECT (of course) little baby girl who was born just over a month ago. her name is Iola, and we love her to bits and pieces. though not literally. cause that would be odd. and unfortunate. 😉
maybe you also know that I have generalized anxiety disorder & clinical depression. the first time I remember experiencing a very-not-normal type of anxiety, I was only five years old, although it really came at me like a punch in the gut the summer after I turned 16.
if you’ve been around the blog for very long, you probably know both of those things. but here’s something you might not know:
mental illnesses like these run in my family.
and my husband’s family.
and for this reason, I was never really sure I wanted to have my own children.
sweet, freshly-diagnosed girl looking out into her future with these fears, this is for you.
strong mama in the double trenches of mental illness & motherhood, this is for you.
tentative pregnant gal who never had to think about this until you had to go cold turkey off your meds, this is for you.
anyone who loves a mama with a mental illness, this is for you. Continue reading “MENTAL ILLNESS & MOTHERHOOD”
besides the obvious (and totally NOT shallow) reason of having my baby girl in my arms as opposed to my stomach, there are lots of reasons I’m super pumped to no longer be pregnant.
several of them aren’t shallow at all. being a family of three, getting to know this amazing little person, seeing my husband become a father…
and while I know that motherhood isn’t all sunshine and roses (I’ve seen the contents of a diaper, y’all), there’s so much good about it!
but today…? I’m celebrating the shallow & silly reasons why I’m excited for the next stage in this journey 😉
10 REALLY SHALLOW REASONS I’M EXCITED TO NOT BE PREGNANT Continue reading “10 REALLY SHALLOW REASONS I’M EXCITED TO NOT BE PREGNANT”
I can honestly say that I didn’t expect to be writing this post.
just 6 weeks ago we entered the hospital with my contractions less than 5 minutes apart to find I was at high-risk for pre-term labor, and were afraid we’d have a teeny preemie on our hands; in the 4-5 weeks that followed I was on a modified bed rest to make sure our Iola Grace stayed safely put until she was grown enough to be healthy out in the real world. (you can read the whole story here)
just before Christmas we were in the hospital yet again with more concerns, but (yet again), we were sent home and labor continued to hold off.
the pain has been excruciating. the emotional strain (and yeah even trauma) has been real. the heightened anxiety has been exhausting. and the contractions (now consistently every 10 minutes or less for the past few weeks) have been frustrating.
with each doctor appointment, my doctor expressed the doubt, but hope, that Io would stay put until the end of January. each appointment confirms that I am indeed getting closer to active labor by the day… but our little love has officially made it to term, which we never thought would happen, and we are both so happy & so impatient. (especially this mama who has been in early labor for 5+ weeks!!)
keep us in your prayers! mama is completely worn out and exhausted from the pain.
our girl Io is still looking perfect (as usual!), if a wee on the bit small side. ❤
dad is super ready to see his baby girl… and to have his other girl be less miserable. 😉
we’re a hot mess over here, but we are hanging on! this sweet little soul has been desperately waited upon & joyfully suffered for. we can’t wait to see her beautiful face…
happy 37 weeks of life, Io girl. we love you!