THE THING ABOUT #METOO THAT MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM

hey babes!

if you haven’t read my last post or you have nooo idea what this whole #metoo thing is all about… go read it now! I’ll wait ๐Ÿ˜‰

as I’m sure you can tell, I am a thousand billion percent on board with the genius bravery that is the #metoo movement. I’m thankful that finally, a platform is being given to every woman who has ever suffered the humiliation of sexual harassment, assault, or abuse.

I’m thankful for the push to share my story.

but something happened on Tuesday as I pressed publish, and as I scrolled through my newsfeed, and as I talked with suffering survivors, that chilled me to my bones and set a wild fury in me. something started coming to light that left me physically ill and shaking with a holy rage.


I started noticing a common theme among those who chose to share their story.

shame. embarrassment. a need to explain themselves. covering their tracks. plentiful recognitions of “but so many other people have t worse”. an over-emphasis on why their abuser/attacker/harasser isn’t that bad of a person.

do you understand how utterly disturbing that is?

as women we are trained to be in a constant state of lowliness. we default the blame to ourselves because that is what we have been taught to do. 

we literally end up carrying the shame & guilt for the dehumanizing actions done TO US

we carry the weight of the abused and the abuser.

and it’s wrong. so wrong.

it was an astonishing amount of women who felt guilty posting their story or even those two simple words: me too. 

why would we feel guilty? we didn’t want to make our abusers look bad, didn’t want them to be embarrassed, didn’t want them to have to deal with the torture we’ve been enduring, surviving, silently for years.

it’s conditioning. it’s rape culture.

as I pushed published, my stomach lurched. I was terrified. not that people would know what happened to me, but that people would question me, that people would attack my abuser, that people would roll their eyes at my “need for attention”, that people would suggest I wanted it to happen, that proof of some sort would be demanded of me… the list goes on.

I. should. not. be. the. frightened. one.

the abusers should be the ones afraid & embarassed to let these secrets find the light, NOT the ones abused. 

the abused/assaulted/harassed should feel SAFE in the exposing of this darkness, not condemned, not afraid, not embarrassed. 

this disturbing twisting of who is to blame in the event of abuse/assault/harassment is one of the most blatant views of rape culture.

until we remove the blame from the battered shoulders of the victims & survivors, and place it on those who actually committed the acts of violence and violation, we will never succeed in respecting or elevating women… or even at the very least recognizing & honoring their humanity.

do. better.

if you’re silently whispering “me too”, know you are so loved, so believed, and so innocent of this evil that has been done to you. 

you are worthy of your healing.

ME TOO // A PORTAIT OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT, ASSAULT & ABUSE

TRIGGER WARNING: this post is a true personal portrait of twenty-three year’s worth of sexual harassment, assault & abuse. what’s worse… this story is far from rare.

some things may be painful to read, so please, friend, read with caution.

statistics tell us, that…
1 in 5 women will experience sexual assault.
2/3 of rapes go unreported.
every 98 seconds, sexual assault occurs in our country.
1 out of every 6 women will be the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime.
90% of all victims are women.
the amount of stress & disorders like PTSD reported by victims is drastically higher than that compared to any other major crime.
((ALL STATISTICS ARE FROM RAINN.ORG))

there are some very clear reasons why I write this post. 

contrary to the victim-shamers, it’s not for attention. (the attention victims gather is nothing anyone would covet.)

I write this to shine a light onto the state of how women are treated.
I write it to give a clear, personal account of real things that real women experience.
I write this as a privileged, white, Christian good-girl.



I write this because someone needs to.

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I write it because it’s my story, and mine alone, to write. Continue reading “ME TOO // A PORTAIT OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT, ASSAULT & ABUSE”

10 AFFIRMATIONS FOR SURVIVORS OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE

hey loves!

I announced a bit ago on instagram that the blog would be slowing down due to unforeseen & life-uprooting circumstances. perhaps someday I will be able to shine a bit of a light on the horrifying, healing, disastrous, delightful, unwanted, unbelievable journey we’re currently on… but as a wise woman once said (love you, G!): write from your scars, not your fresh wounds.

so… I’m just gently taking this journey day by day in the most loving & grace-filled way I know how. we shall see where it leads. ๐Ÿ™‚

I’ve talked a little bit in the past about what spiritual abuse is and how we can recognize it & combat it in our faith families.

but today I woke up and decided all I wanted was to offer up a bit of encouragement and hope for those who might be leaving a situation where they experienced spiritual abuse… to those who are trying to heal from the hell they experienced, to those who have walked away & feel completely disillusioned by it all.

10 AFFIRMATIONS FOR SURVIVORS OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE.ย 

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  1. I am loved by someone Higher than my abuser.
  2. I am safe.
  3. I am healing, and I will heal.
  4. I am not their perception of me.
  5. I am a human being- more precious than their theology.
  6. I am full of hope.
  7. I choose to reclaim my beliefs, separate from their lies.
  8. I choose to believe that God is for me.
  9. I choose to deconstruct.
  10. I choose to be who I am.

YOU ARE NOT A LIABILITY // THE MODESTY MYTHS THAT BREAK & BURY US

MODESTY.

okay babes. can we talk about this word? please?

purity culture, which is a whole massive discussion that can’t be contained in just one blog post (though I made a decent effort here), is rife with the sub-culture of a twisted view of this word “modesty”.

church youth groups are constantly talking about it, from the old catchphrase “modest it hottest!” (let’s all just admit this one was poorly thought through) to the more recent rise of the Great Yoga Pants Wars. for some reason, people are completely obsessed, to a likely unhealthy extent if we’re honest, with modesty.

from the wildly inappropriate comments regarding my body & sex life I received while I was pregnant, to the damnation of the vast majority of swim suits (and often the people who wear them), to suggesting women are to blame for their own objectification, to the brushing off or blaming of sexual abuse victims, to the repulsion with a woman breastfeeding while not hidden in a corner… as these few examples show, so much of the evangelical community is disturbingly obsessed with female bodies.

I think it’s time to destroy some modesty myths here, because beautiful woman… you are not a liability. Continue reading “YOU ARE NOT A LIABILITY // THE MODESTY MYTHS THAT BREAK & BURY US”

SPIRITUAL ABUSE // WHAT IT IS & HOW TO GET FREE

hey fam!

today I want to chat with you about a topic that can be really triggering and scary for some of us. it’s been weighing on my heart & I want to just get this truth out of me and shed some light on it okay?

many of us are probably familiar with the terms of sexual abuse/domestic abuse/emotional abuse… these are all deeply dehumanizing and disturbing behaviors that need to be called out & shut down. but something that so many people I know have been a victim of, and which most people don’t even seem to realize exists, is a despicable thing called spiritual abuse.

what is spiritual abuse?

spiritual abuse comes in many forms and wears many disguises. it can be subtle and hard to recognize or loud and blatant. here are just a few ways it can read its ugly head…

MISUSE OF SCRIPTURE

spiritual abuse most often happens when people throw around scripture incorrectly and without reverence, such as using it: out of context, to shame, to ostracize, to excuse or perpetrate cruel behaviors, to prove a point, to shut down a conversation, to silence, to blame, to mock, to build their high horse, to belittle, to brush off, to shrink your pain, to avoid the topic, to divert attention away from their own faults, with condescension, with anger, without kindness… the list could go on. the bottom line here is this: if you have ever been belittled, shamed, brushed off, silenced, or made to feel like your pain was irrelevant with quoted scripture, you have been a victim of spiritual abuse.


THE NARROW ROAD COMPLEX Continue reading “SPIRITUAL ABUSE // WHAT IT IS & HOW TO GET FREE”