“I feel like everyone is so busy beating one another over the head with their minuscule black & white opinions and judgements, and I’m just over here dancing in the grey.” I irritatingly sputtered the words out to my husband a couple nights ago, during a heavy discussion steeped in wounds not yet healed and theology not yet set in stone.
my mind still lingers on those words… dancing in the grey.
some people are, for some reason, really, really afraid of the grey areas. but why is that? why is there so much defensiveness in the grey? perhaps the truth is that the people who seem to be so against me as a person, aren’t really against me, but a thought process that poses a threat to a false safety net of black & white beliefs filled with dangerous lies…
and the lies say things, sometimes implicit, and sometimes truly explicit, like…
you can meet God where you’re at unless where you’re at doesn’t look like what I think it should.
and God is Love, but love isn’t what you think; it’s actually bigotry and anger and eternally torturing the conscious dead masses.
and if you can believe what you want, as long as you don’t believe anything differently from me because then you can’t be a Christian anymore.
and if you question the wrong thing, or grieve for too long, or miss too many Sundays, or are wounded too deeply to heal according to my timeline…
well then you’re out.
you’re on the “slippery slope”.
you’ve found yourself on the “wide road”.
you’re “walking away”.
you become the “them” in the us vs them dialogue that has poisoned the people of the Way for far too long.
and what then?
I’ll be honest, I’m not totally sure, because that’s where I currently am. I guess you go find your people, the people who are willing to create a space for you to meet with Jesus in the unique and glorious way that is yours alone to know and understand.
but I do know a few beautiful, solid truths, and one of them is this:
grey is made from black and white.
grey happens when black and white soften and make peace with one another’s existence in the universe.
when they recognize that they are both a part of this messy, terrifying, stunning world, and choose to blend into beauty instead of stoically creating a barrier of hostility.
when they discover the holiness in unity, and lose the individualistic pride of right vs wrong in every anthill.
grey is made from strands of black and white woven throughout everything, merging to create an acknowledgement of the complexity of life.
a dear dear friend of mine posted a brave thing just the other day. she claimed the grey and owned her suffering & anger in a moving, holy public display of humanity. and she posted #notwalkingaway with it.
there she was, claiming all the questions and woundedness and frustration as her own, making loud her anger at a God who seemed to fail her… and claiming Divine Love as her own, too.
that’s what grey looks like.
to dance in the grey is to accept the gift of humanity and divinity wrapped up all together in chaos and delivered in sorrow, somehow releasing from your lips a gasp of peace.
yeah, it’s a mystery.
but all the mystics will tell you that’s where the beauty lives.
dance in the grey, loves.