there are a lot of great people who write great posts about why every good Christian girl should save her first kiss for the day of her wedding. and, like I said, these people are great people. but I believe they’re a little misguided.
following Jesus is not about denying yourself all pleasure in the name of holiness.
it isn’t about making a statement.
it isn’t about running to extremes (of either side!!) out of fear of sinning…
it isn’t believing that your own purity makes you worthy (or better than anyone else).
just allow me to say, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with saving your first kiss! I have known many wonderful people who have done this, and have great marriages. I’m not condemning or judging anyone who does!
But it’s not the right choice for everyone (almost nothing in this world is), and it’s not necessarily something I recommend. here are a few reasons why we didn’t wait to kiss (along with a few other things, too)…
1.) I knew that I could honor the LORD through purity without relying on extremes.
my husband and I personally chose to do this by saving our first kiss until our engagement. we talked about it and realized that was the best option for us. it still required sacrifice and a commitment. the most important thing was that we relied on much prayer, thoughtful conversation, specific boundaries, and care for one another and the Lord to do so. I know that our decision brought joy to the Lord as we sought Him for guidance. and what so many people too often forget is that just because you’re not kissing doesn’t mean there aren’t boundaries you can still break. it’s your heart before the Lord that makes the difference.
2.) I knew my first kiss as a married woman would be just as special. (and less awkward)
unless you’re a pretty spectacular human, your first kiss will be awkward. that’s just how it is!! 🙂 I’m an introvert, and I wanted to experience all of the beautiful, wonderful, awkward hilarity in the privacy of just my man and I. I knew that for me (with my anxiety disorder paired with my natural introversion) trying to kiss him for the first time with two hundred eyes watching would be utterly terrifying! but I can assure you that kissing J before our wedding made that first married kiss no less special. in fact, it was the happiest, holiest kiss I’d ever had.
3.) I knew it would become to easy to label things as “wrong” as opposed to “not yet”.
I saw this when J, who grew up in Christian school, felt guilt the first time he held my hand. I saw it when I talked to dear friends who wept to me that they couldn’t get over the bad feeling they had every time they went to sleep with their husbands because it had been so drilled into them that sex was WRONG, not just something to be RESERVED. I didn’t want to make that mistake. I knew that our boundaries had to be more about loving each other rather than giving ourselves a reason for shame for God-given desires that simply needed time to become right.
4.) I knew and believed in the rule of three… no, not that one. 😉
there are three levels to every relationship: physical, emotional, and spiritual. they should evolve together. what I mean is this: it’s just as dangerous to leap into hours of intimate prayer, or to fully and vulnerably bare yourself emotionally as it is to delve to quickly into a physical relationship. they all go together, and they all need to move gently, organically as a whole. cutting off one entirely throws off the system, and it’s tough to compensate for. becoming emotionally and spiritually intimate naturally calls for physical intimacy. that’s how God made it to work.
kissing is amazing! and kissing with a holy heart and sound mind is probably one of the best things you can ever hope to experience. I hope and pray that your relationships are filled with grace. truth. purity.
…and that you share lots of holy kisses ❤