This is a post that’s been kind of marinating in the tumultuousness that is my brain for the past few days. (Was that gross? I’m tired.) so naturally it took a bout of severe insomnia to force it out of my brain and into this little piece of technology we call a phone. (Even though we don’t really call with it… Is it even actually a phone anymore?) yeah, this is being typed from an iPhone keypad.
See, the thing is this:Recently I’ve been hurting. I’ve been giving every ounce of what I’ve got, throwing myself at this ugly season with determination and sheer Jesus-power to get me through, and I’ve been met with critical judgements and waves of unbelief.
I’ve been doing my very best. And my best has been met with a giant stamp of “NOT GOOD ENOUGH”.
It sucks to feel like your pain is being belittled, your efforts brushed off, and having more demanded of you when you just. Can’t. Give. Any. More.
But in these moments where I just want to sit down and cry instead of responding with grace and humility, or lash out to defend myself instead of giving respect to authority, I try to remember these things:
1.) I did my part. My only responsibility is to do my best, whatever that is. If my best today is getting out of bed and taking a shower, that’s all I am responsible for. If my best is ten hours of heavy labor, then I’m responsible for that. If I did my best, the ball is no longer in my court. There is no room for comparison in your own “best”. We are all totally different, and so are our best’s.
2.) my best does not determine my worth. If my best today is just surviving work & managing not to make it worse, that doesn’t mean that is all I am good for. My worth is determined by a God who died for me, not what this weak human body is capable of doing for Him.
3.) what others think of my best is their problem, not mine. They can judge my best: their problem. They can mock my best: their problem. They can get angry at my best: their problem. They can compare their current best to my current best to give themselves a false sense of worth: their problem. When my best doesn’t determine my worth, it thrusts what others think of my best, out of my hands. NOT. MY. PROBLEM.
4.) my best is valuable. If my best is done as worship, it is valuable, not matter how small, no matter how fragile. God sees my best, and He blesses it and calls it “GOOD ENOUGH” because He sees the value in every ounce of worship & every ounce of me poured out in weakness when His Son is behind it all.
5.) hearing “Not Good Enough” can nudge us towards a place where we can start hearing “Good Enough”. maybe God is guiding you somewhere your best will be celebrated instead of shamed. Maybe He’s guiding you somewhere your best will be used by Him instead of abused by others. Maybe you’re just a few more “Not Good Enough”‘s away from everything you were meant for.
Now, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll try to get 3 hours of sleep before I have to wake up 😉