this morning I found a bug.
a very fast, creepy-crawly bug.
I was home alone.
the bug was near the part of my parents’ house which currently functions as my and Joey’s living space.
I lost the bug.
and after a week of low anxiety (with the exception of one bad day), I felt it rising fast.
so I have been hiding out upstairs, too close to the edge of an anxiety attack to go downstairs to find my purse and keys and run the errands I am supposed to run.
once again, life is put on hold for the chaos in my mind.
I’ve done what I’m supposed to do.
I’ve written down why I’m anxious, validated that, and then come up with five and a half reasons I shouldn’t be.
I’ve taken lots of deep breaths.
I’ve done heart-opening yoga.
I’ve read Scripture.
my essential oils and magnesium supplements, both of which tend to help calm in a pinch, are downstairs, where I can’t bring myself to go.
I am still anxious.
my heart is still pounding a mile a minute.
my thoughts still racing.
all the things gone wrong flood my head
can’t find my camera charger
we’re not getting a video of J speaking to send to churches this week
still haven’t heard back about job applications
if the doctor did actually lose my medical history….
I like tenth avenue north.
well that’s a little off-topic, Moriah.
just hang in there 😉
their music got me through some tough moments, and their song Times is one that I will always go back to when I just need a good cry at the feet of my Savior.
but there’s another song by them which has spoken to me even bigger lately, since I stumbled across it a few weeks ago. it’s called The Struggle, and it’s beautiful. go have a listen here.
the sweet string of words I’ve so embraced as my anxiety anthem lately sweeps comfort into my soul…
hallelujah, we are free to struggle, we’re not struggling to be free.
I may struggle my whole life.
I will struggle my whole life.
this is my battle.
I’m not left alone.
I’m free to struggle.