#lovetheinbetween // free to struggle

this morning I found a bug.
a very fast, creepy-crawly bug.
I was home alone.
the bug was near the part of my parents’ house which currently functions as my and Joey’s living space.
I lost the bug.

and after a week of low anxiety (with the exception of one bad day), I felt it rising fast.
so I have been hiding out upstairs, too close to the edge of an anxiety attack to go downstairs to find my purse and keys and run the errands I am supposed to run.

once again, life is put on hold for the chaos in my mind.

I’ve done what I’m supposed to do.
I’ve written down why I’m anxious, validated that, and then come up with five and a half reasons I shouldn’t be.
I’ve taken lots of deep breaths.
I’ve done heart-opening yoga.
I’ve read Scripture.
my essential oils and magnesium supplements, both of which tend to help calm in a pinch, are downstairs, where I can’t bring myself to go.

I am still anxious.
my heart is still pounding a mile a minute.
my thoughts still racing.

all the things gone wrong flood my head
can’t find my camera charger
we’re not getting a video of J speaking to send to churches this week
still haven’t heard back about job applications
if the doctor did actually lose my medical history….

and in this, God is good.
and in this, grace is real.

I like tenth avenue north.

well that’s a little off-topic, Moriah.
just hang in there 😉

their music got me through some tough moments, and their song Times is one that I will always go back to when I just need a good cry at the feet of my Savior.

but there’s another song by them which has spoken to me even bigger lately, since I stumbled across it a few weeks ago. it’s called The Struggle, and it’s beautiful. go have a listen here.

that chorus.
the sweet string of words I’ve so embraced as my anxiety anthem lately sweeps comfort into my soul…
hallelujah, we are free to struggle, we’re not struggling to be free.

I may struggle my whole life.
scratch that.
I will struggle my whole life.
this is my battle.

but at least I’m free to struggle.
at least I have a reason I’m fighting for.
at least I’m being given strength and grace and power to struggle.

I’m not left alone.
I’m free to struggle.

4 thoughts on “#lovetheinbetween // free to struggle

  1. Thanks for sharing, Moriah. This post goes right along with something I’ve been thinking about alot lately: that the struggles we have in life are the “groanings” we have because of living in a world affected by sin, but we have a glorious Hope to look forward to! That unseen hope is what keeps us going and God’s love through it all never ceases! Basically, Romans 8 says it way better than I can! 🙂


  2. Like you, I’m also faced with different struggles every day. But true enough, He’s strong enough to save us. I hope to hear from you. I’m from Philippines, btw. I’m only new to wordpress but i’ve been writing for years now in my diaries and old notebooks. I also like Tenth Avenue North for over 2 years now. My favorite song of them is By Your Side which is really amazing. The effect is still there. Anyway, God bless you! I hope to here from you soon.

    Liked by 1 person

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