the not enough-ness of us.
isn’t it excruciating?
I know I’ve felt it. on the tired days when the world presses down and the heart is anxious.
when the words tumble out in the upset, and the pounding emotions come, and the body feels shipwrecked.
and the not enough-ness rages.
when the exhaustion steers my ship, and my heart sucks up relief like a cold drink on a day of hot air and sweat beaded on skin.
when the heart-aching toll of the body’s groaning is too much and not explainable and invisible to the world, and you are left…
and the invisibility of the depression, the anxiety, the pain and the weariness leaves me hopeless that I will ever be enough.
not enough for my husband.
not enough for my heaven–dreams.
not enough for God to use.
I know it, my secret friend.
perhaps not so secret in reasonless tears.
and yet… God takes idiots from nobody-places and makes them wise.
and God takes the crushed and violated woman with the hundred shameful notches on the headboard of her bed, and He makes her strong and shameless and a voice of sweet redemption.
and still God takes the suicidal and angry man and works His miracles and graces his life with meaning and purpose.
and God takes the doubting man, riddled with anxiety, battling for proof, and leads armies and wins wars of glorious measure.
and God takes the woman with loss so heavy she clings with loyalty to those who don’t want her, and He gives a reedemer, a lover, a family… re-fills her heart.
and God takes the dreamer… judged, hated, pursued with jealousy… and makes his dreams come true.
and God takes the man who runs away from all the right things- pursues him with swift and holy love, and refuses to let him run anymore.
and God takes the woman, impatient for her hopes, hopeless with patience, and gives her hopes a name– gives her great and wild gifts of grace.
and God takes the jealous one with the out-of-control mouth, the lie-spreading gossip, and makes her a leader, walking in honesty.
and God takes the broken one
the confused and depressed one
the one who feels useless and under-qualified and helpless
in all her not enough-ness
with all of her complications and issues with the commandment of joy
and says PEACE.
I AM that I AM
I AM your enough-ness
I AM grace
your not enough-ness needs my glorious grace
and the not-enough and the grace of Enough are one
the grace is great enough
the enough-ness is enough.
my not enough-ness is okay. is forgiven. is made enough.
and the mystery is glorious….
great indeed, we confess, is the mystery of godliness.
//1 timothy 3:16//